I'm Coming
by rancoroftheheart
Summary: Idea of how things would have been if Shep couldn't emotionally handle more losses. The council is safe, the Citadel is partly destroyed, but all Jane Shepard can think about is losing Kaiden on Virmire. Can Ashley can help her friend before she takes matters into her own hands? Shep/Kaiden implied and Shep/Willams friendship.


I'm Coming

Disclaimer: Mass Effect isn't mine.

The Normandy was quiet.

She sat in her bed, covered in thin sheets. Her knees were pulled to her chest. It had been a week since the fall of Sovereign. All that time she had been too busy fighting to feel the pain. She looked to her left and stared at the warm orange light radiating from her computer. All that time she blocked the pain, buried it deep inside. Since Eden Prime she had been able to lock everything away, and focus on the mission. She finally felt useful. Jane Shepard was finally able to use her Special Forces training in another galactic size mission. But now, it was over. Sure the Reapers are out there but, how long until they're stopped and life goes on? Then she, the Spectre, would no longer be needed. She would be recorded and forgotten about in some distant data cache.

But, that didn't matter. She didn't care if people remembered her, what she did, or anything. She just didn't care.

_He's gone._

Thoughts of Akuze were catching up with her again. Images of comrades flooded her vision. The throbbing returned; her amp was acting up. It was like she was on Akuze all over. Jane could literally smell the blood and hear all the screams; the thresher maws everywhere. Her heart beat rapidly; making her chest burn. She blinked and it was gone; the orange glow reminded her where she was. It still didn't matter; there was nothing she could have done to stop it…to stop those monsters. It's different…when you can and can't control the outcome to something.

_But…I…I could've saved him._

Jane stepped onto the cold metal floor, chills shot up her spine. She slipped on her customary marine wear. She sighed and rested her head against the wall before she opened the door to leave her office.

She stepped out; her Commander Shepard mask slipped into place.

_I can't let them see my pain. Not yet._

_-_

She made her way to see Joker; fellow marines saluted her as she passed. This meant nothing.

She stood, attentive, watching out the front of the Normandy. She examined the screens, "Joker, how long until we reach the Citadel?"

"Not long Commander, five minutes tops."

She spun on her heel and went to her weapons locker.

The citadel had been primarily destroyed, still construction was moving quickly. Shepard made her way into the temporary council chambers for a meeting.

_Soon…this pain will be gone. They'll all wonder why. They'll say, "How could she?"_

Chief Williams exited the Normandy shortly after Shepard, in hopes of catching the meeting with her. She had been slightly irked that the Commander had left without her; that was something that she'd never done before. Ashley knew it was because of what happened on Virmire.

Instead of going into the meeting she waiting outside, she leaned against a white alloy wall and glared at the galactic writing on the side. She stared at the sky, "I'm sorry Jane."

She squatted, holding her battle rifle in her hand. "You haven't even given me the chance to say it." She stood and put away her rifle, crossed her arms and began to wait.

-

Shepard agreed to the council's idea on all efforts be on rebuilding the Citadel and helping the citizens.

It would mean staying here for quite a while.

_I can't hide it for that long. This has to end._

She walked out the entrance and was startled to see Williams standing there impatiently.

"Commander."

"Williams. You could have come in."

"I know Commander."

The two women walked back to the Normandy in silence. Shepard told the men their new mission and gathered her things, preparing to stay in an apartment complex until all the work's done.

_I'll be with you soon, I promise._

_-_

Shepard entered into the plain undecorated apartment room.

She set her bags down by the door and sat in the middle of the cold floor.

She let the lights from outside flow through the windows and grace her face. She watched the clouds move slowly. And soaked in the blue sky.

_It is this beautiful there?_

She closed her eyes and opened them. All emotion gone; they were void of life, love, and lacked it's natural alluring blue luster.

She stood and crept towards her black duffle bags and pulled out her Brawler IX pistol and made her back to the middle of the floor and stood rigid. She pulled the gun up to look at it. She stared at the Armax Arsenal logo and put it to her temple.

_Kaiden…I'm coming._

_-_


End file.
